Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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