Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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