We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
