and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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