Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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