If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
