ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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