I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
