living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
