your parents love me but you hate me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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