Nicole vs. Life
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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