question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
