yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
