My boss' voice literally gives me gas
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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