I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
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I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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