There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't put those talents on a resume
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
