I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
