haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
