Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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