you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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