Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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