did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
