I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
