does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
