just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I met the friendliest cop last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
