my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
