Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
