Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
