He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize