so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
