I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
