We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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