She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
