I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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