Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
