No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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