somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
