did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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