i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
