i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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