when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize