The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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