Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Boobs are out for the taking
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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