His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
