So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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