I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
