Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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