This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
