I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
