k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just googled if crying burns calories
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
