capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
