Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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