I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
