i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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