the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
