if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
