Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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