please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
