I cut my penus on the lid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize