I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I intend to get homeless drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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