So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
