if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
