I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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