there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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