the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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