Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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