Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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