would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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